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It's the Curveball - Open Your Eyes

Writer's picture: Dr. MoNique GrahamDr. MoNique Graham

Updated: 2 days ago


The way one learns a concept or an understanding of self and what one should do, can come in many formats.  For many years, I was an independent contractor doing a plethora of tasks at myriad of industries. Whether it's learning and development,  administering therapy sessions, project management and even making my signature nail polish.


After a while,  I took a stab at full time work, being local had created a multiplicity of experiences, for me and my family; that I will always treasure.  Nevertheless,  I found myself diving deeper and deeper, giving more and more,  yet not evolving nor being promoted. The entire climate at the job had changed,  and the desire I felt years prior was gone! So I resigned and applied for a contract role, interviewed and got hired by the time I drove back home. I loved my new temporary role just as much as I did others I had completed; evenly. Resigning my job was great for my soul, because it was less emotional load.


That pivoted into me creating my LLC, and my blog,  and my podcast,  and as we say "going hard" on the parts of me that was about me and not an external corporation. Vowing to myself, that I would continue in that vein. Having my eggs in multiple baskets, not just one.


Then, covid hit, that contract ended and it led me to another spectacular contract.  One that took me back to one of my better work experiences.  Being an independent contractor has always been a "sweet spot" for me. And then,  of course being an exemplary employee,  they offered me a FT role and I forgot my vow and accepted it! I forgot that I committed to myself to stay the course of not having all my eggs in one basket. Little by little I started to morph into a "give it your all" employee,  100% wasn't enough.... by the first year, the energy I would put into the promotion of my products and services, my blog and my podcast reduced. By year 2, I had taken on numerous "stretch assignments" at this corporate job, instead of booking public speaking events for myself,  or taking on more therapy clients, or conducting marriage services or expanding my brand, instead I dug deeper into the company. So,  I got promoted,  again and kept doing more,  achieving more,  attending training and getting certified,  wearing multiple hats, and digging deeper. The same thing I vowed to myself not to do.  Then I got another role there with more responsibilities and by year 3, my contract connections outside of that company were dissipating. I was entrenched, yes, and it was good,  very good.  Here I was diving into year 4 and losing myself to the full time corporate bubble. Ignoring Nique Speaks!


I got the highest accolades there, but I was betraying myself.  I ran a talk show,  used my podcast experience to create one for them,  used all my "me" skills for the corporation,  and again,  forgetting my vow to myself.


I wasn't taking care of me,  I made wrong decisions,  I corrupted my intuition, I ignored the "are you still in the market for contract" messages, because I got settled,  with no issues. But I was losing me, losing my creativity for my stuff,  lost my will to pour into me,  I poured so deeply into the job it became a large fragment of my identity. Yes,  me! We should never get so trapped in a job so much so that it dictates our happiness, peace, or our identity.


As humans we can get attached to just about anyone or anything that feeds us in the areas we either yearn for or we are excited about or we think is creating the exhilarating outcomes we anticipate.   We get sucked in and can be ready to risk anything to follow that desire. At times we cannot see it, and it takes someone else sometimes to highlight it. It can also take an occurence to remove our blinders. My thought process was, I could just chill there,  in a comfortable space,  with a stress free job,  and enjoy. Make long term plans to stay there,  and ride the corporate train until nature said it's time for me to stop.


I had a dear compassionate friend and she and I used to joke and holler at so many of our first world problems. One thing she used to say,  was "Mo, you are just there kicking the can at that job" meaning there was more for me to do FOR ME outside of that bubble I created at that job.


After my eyes were shocked open, I had to once again regroup and recognize that companies think of companies.  While I was celebrating 4 years in, they conducted a massive lay off right before the holidays and guess who was on the list.  Me!? New roles,  new management,  new administration and new year! This employee, among others,  with an unblemished record,  the person with a performance review labeled with the word "outstanding " on it, the person with so many stretch assignments I was completing impeccably, you would think I'm part of the Fantastic Four (movie reference). I was on "the list!" I had been a cheerleader in many rooms for numerous others,  I had heard others defend the jobs of my colleagues,  where were my cheerleaders? When that list was created,  did no one say "MoNique has done so much good for the company...."


Full transparency,  I felt betrayed. I felt like all my excessive input was cast away like folly and nobody cared. No one attempted to repurpose my skills, just add people to a list, call them severanced and move on.


So now I'm learning the new climate for employment and it's vastly unfamiliar.  After 4 years away from it, now I find that:


- many recruiters just graduated from high school and can barely have formidable conversations.


- the job market is saturated with other severanced employees (Yes they do keep you on the payroll for a while depending on years of service).


- the verbiage for titles changes weekly.   For example : Project Manager is known as Transformational Leader.


- Ai tools determine if your resume will be picked for a 6 seconds review by an average recruiter.


- it's a hiring manager market and they know this, and act accordingly.


- colleagues will not always do referrals.  Those ones will tell you one thing,  and do nothing. (Respect and blessings to the ones who actually make the effort, and share positive insights).


- humans constantly disappoint you in unexpected ways. (Insert side eye).


So, on this new journey for MoNique, I'm having to accept some and refuse other realities. I've had experience being 38 years old long enough to know,  I fit a different demographic in 2025!  And when 2024 took away that job (and I worked remotely),  some "friends," some situations and some comfortable spaces were not good for me anymore,  and it is giving me a chance to restore myself.


I had to roll the fuck over and open myself up to the fact that I've been working since 8 years old,  teaching kids in my neighborhood to read, and I never missed a day at work, apart from when I needed to do so for life reasons.  I've been working,  or schooling,  or mothering, planning or family-ing, or friend-ing, helping or wife-ing, or growing  or organizing or doing 9 million things; assiduously. My Wes said "girl, take this time to rest yourself and do what YOU want"... no better words were said regarding my current status!


I'm back to prioritizing myself,  strategizing my next move for Nique Speaks, NiqueMerch and Bookniquespeaks, finishing my 2nd volume to my book (long over due) and definitely no longer walking around delusional about "de people dem job." (Insert my accent). Will I go back to contracting? Absolutely, Yes, but I renewed my vow to myself...

and "C'est la vie" to that FTE fuc-ke-ry!



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