I have never wanted to feel helpless but there are times when it is inevitable. Helpless to oneself is one thing, but helpless towards another human to whom you care for, is completely devastating to me.
There are times unfortunately, when it is just the nature of things and one should allow others to figure themselves out, but it doesn't take away the diverse effect it can have on one's equilibrium.
If I could rewrite many life scripts I would. I am skilled at putting words on paper borne from my thoughts and emotions. I am skilled at recreating an event so descriptively that you could feel the sand on the sides of my feet if I told you I had been walking the beach at 5am this morning in St. Barths amidst the sounds of the crushing ocean as it lathered every follicle and every fibre of the passages between my toes just before requesting that you remove the sand with your fingers so I can slip on my sandals for brunch.
I can conjure up and recant memories that are so provocative you would blush as you even recalled reading what I wrote.
But, what I cannot do is, undo what has been done as it relates to you, me, or any one or any circumstance. I cannot change your script. I cannot insert an addendum or add appendices to explain events that have already occurred. I cannot make hurt reverse itself for you; and I know this because I have tried.
I feel profoundly inept and catastrophically diminished at the thought of helplessness. Knowing that I do not possess the wherewithal to affect your direct outcomes. I can only offer to cry with you, and talk with you, and curse with you, and drink with you, and be pissed with you, and comfort you. I can pray for you and I can love you, I can cross my fingers for you and I can hail you.
Nevertheless, I cannot fight for you! I cannot speak on your behalf and I cannot be your rod and staff. I have to let you be who you are, where you are, at the stage you are, in the moment you are, in the mindset you are, in the quandary you are in the world you are, so you can get up, stand up, beam up, look up, be up, and be great.