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The Foregone...


The past few months have been emotionally ravishing. An entire 3 months of hearing of loss and dealing with loss, and processing loss, and attending to loss. When one is forced to look at their own mortality because of all that is happening around them, it can impede one’s ability to make it all make sense.

My aunt died in June. She and I had a special connection that made saying goodbye to her unbearable. I needed her to remain in the space I last saw her. I needed her to remain in the realm I am accustomed to seeing her. I needed her to remain my aunt with the heavy influence on my world. I needed her to not be the human being closed in a box and placed under the earth. Everyone processes loss differently. I think the way it is dealt with should be left to one's own capability to process. While processing the death of one aunt, my other aunt died!


Loss of a job, loss of a home, loss of a friend or loss of a lover can be cataclysmic. One concept of loss is the fact that you may have no control over what is happening around you. Another concept of loss is making a decision that made sense at the time, but instead of having the anticipated outcome, you are left with a multiplicity of events that can transport you to a feeling of longing, regret and/or dismay. Loss can be severe, and loss can leave you yearning for the “what could have been” but unfortunately it is a component of life.



Sometimes you are confronted with life decisions with minimal alternatives. You end up choosing what you believe to be the finest option to you at that time, in that twinkling. We have heard many times how hindsight is 20\20 and that is a fact. It is after you take a plunge, or make that choice, that you truly find out all that is wrapped up into that decision. You either end up with an opportunity to enjoy your selection, the necessity to process and accept your choice, or you learn to function adequately with mitigating factors.


Loss on varied levels is inevitable. When you experience loss it impinges on certain fragments of you, it can strip away your understanding of the world around you and force you to have a dissociative reaction to any and everything that once mattered. Conversely, it gives you an opportunity to formulate more of a significance and value to what you have lost. It can also become a driving force that instills an appreciation of similar things of significance. Loss can allow you to cultivate an understanding of yourself, an understanding of the world around you and most notably, an understanding of how to make the past be a teacher to you.


Never underestimate the pain attached to a loss. Craft out a balanced self-care process that allows you to fulfill your needs at that time. Cultivate manageable coping mechanisms that are fundamental to your health and your loved ones. Focus on actions that are not detrimental to your sanity and utilize all mental health options accessible to you to create encouraging outcomes.


Finally, when you are dealing with a loss, any loss, first step is to breathe!




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